The sticky, sticky fingers of the rich.

Sure, we’ve all taken our share of those little soaps, lotions, and bottles of shampoo they keep stocked at all hotels. But at luxury hotels the stakes are a little bit higher, unless they want to start nailing down things like silver tea strainers, Christian Fischbacher satin sheets, and iPod docks. Because according to a recent Travel & Leisure article, these are the exact things the wealthy have been swiping from hotels for years.

So what’s a hotel to do? Well, they can either charge you (these days, they usually have your credit card number on file from check-in) or they can just let it lie. And a lot of hoteliers actually encourage the latter. At least when it comes to branded items.

The idea is that a branded item – be it umbrella, beach hat, slippers or shampoo – will remind the thief of their positive experience at the hotel and they’ll book another stay there in the future.

More than that, it can be an interesting conversation piece when said thief invites guests to their home – another way to generate future stays.

When my husband and I house-sat for my sister-in-law back in 2002, she had stocked the guest room with soap, shampoo and lotion from the Hotel del Coronado in Coronado, CA. I loved the scent of their signature body lotion so much that I started ordering it online and have done so ever since. Even though I haven’t stayed there as a guest, I’ve forked over close to $900 (the equivalent of a 3-night stay) to the hotel shop. All from a small, branded bottle of lotion that I found in a guest room.

Of course, guests steal a lot more than just branded items – like a $300,000 Andy Warhol piece that was on exhibit at the W Hotel Hong Kong and an entire marble fireplace from the Four Seasons Beverly Wilshire.

It seems kleptomania doesn’t discriminate based on net worth or good breeding. It’s up to hotel owners to figure out exactly how to use that to their advantage.

Waaaa waaaa – the plight of the wealthy.

For its May 11th cover story, Forbes introduced “The Survivor’s Guide for the Affluent.”

Feeding into the affluent crowd’s fear of Obama and strapped-for-cash state leaders taking away all of their money and public calls for ultra-rich heads on platters, the article is chock full of advice for protecting assets, sidestepping taxes (within legal means, of course), and how to hold onto your toys.

A few key recommendations Forbes has for the rich:

• Establish trusts for your kids or invest in charitable remainder trusts.
• Spend the majority of your days (literally; it has to be at least 183) at your house in Florida, Alaska, Washington, South Dakota, Nevada, Wyoming or Texas – where there is no state income tax.
• Make purchases anonymously online (everyone’s been doing that since September anyway).
• Buy a small plane or boat (i.e. less than 100 feet) now, while the price is right.

But here’s the thing. While the wealthy may be experiencing significant losses and will likely pay more taxes in the coming months and years, the price of nearly everything – homes, yachts, fashion, travel – is down too. And, incidentally, every other wealthy person has experienced a nearly 30% loss.

So, relatively speaking, is it really necessary to feed into their fears? While financial advisors may find it lucrative to do so, I’m not so sure marketers will.

The best advice for marketing to the affluent, even if they are starting to freak out, is to keep your head above water. As I’ve said in past blogs, even if you do cut your prices, don’t go past the point of no return. Tell your customers about sales or discounts in a tasteful way. Don’t bombard them with promo emails. Respect their wishes to shop discreetly. And above all, don’t betray your brand.

The affluent are going to survive the recession, and smart brands will too.

DON'T YOU LOVE IT WHEN I SCREAM AT YOU?!!

No? Didn’t think so.

Well guess what? Consumers – least of all affluent consumers – aren’t too keen on being screamed at either.

Which is why the brands that target them should never use exclamation points. Ever. Even if your brand is selling something really exciting – like a new car or a vacation.

It’s not like your audience is winning a Brand New Car(!) on The Price is Right. They are purchasing it from you. So you’re going to have to work harder, by being calm and conversational.

It doesn’t matter that you’re freaking out about the economy and want to scream your message from the rooftops. Just because you show customers you want them more than ever, doesn’t mean they’re going to want you more than ever.

And if you’ve been talking to them the right way all these years, this is not the time to change the tone of the conversation by raising your voice.

Here are a few other punctuation rules you can follow when talking to affluent audiences:

1. Embrace the semi-colon. The affluent, for the most part, are educated people. They understand how to use and read the colon, the semi-colon, and the m dash. Go ahead and use them.
2. Don’t quote me. Quotation marks belong in one place – around a quotation. They are not used for emphasis or for words that have multiple meanings like “green.” People will know what you mean based on the context of the sentence.
3. Ellipses are lame. The direct mail piece with a cover line that ends in an ellipsis, then continues with one on the inside, sucks. Simple as that.

These rules apply for advertising, PR, Web, wherever you decide to spread your message. So be strong, keep your punctuation standards high, and enforce them throughout the ranks of your company whenever you have the chance.

Before long, everyone who works with you will get the point.

Why we love – and love to hate – the rich.

Hating the rich is a pretty popular pastime right now. With the economy in the toilet, and calls for the heads of anyone making a hefty bonus, some bank execs are likening the country’s current mood to that of the villagers in Frankenstein or Madame DeFarge in A Tale of Two Cities.

But while the masses may be running to grab their pitchforks and knitting needles, they apparently have time to stop and watch the wealthy and their silly antics on Bravo. A Variety article, which I take issue with simply because of a disturbing grammatical gaffe in the subhead, discusses the network’s recent uptick in viewers of shows like “Real Housewives of Orange County,” “Top Chef,” and “Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Of course, most of the fascination has to do with the earlier mentioned silly antics on these shows. In reality, they aren’t representative of the typically discreet millionaires and billionaires that try to keep their identities, behaviors and love lives relatively private.

And yet, the nagging question still remains.

Even if the antics are so interesting, why is our culture obsessed with rich people? Why do we love the rich?

Two reasons – we envy them. And we need them (registration required to read this article).

If the average American didn’t want to be rich, today’s mortgage and credit crises would have never arisen in the first place. Sure, there were predatory brokers, lenders and underwriters – but you have to really, really want an $800,000 house to “overlook” the fact that you can’t make the monthly payments on it. Envy, a sin that quickly leads to its ever-more-popular cousin, Greed, is the culprit.

And while many would like to reach for their pitchforks whenever the words “Wall Street” fall upon their ears, what some of us are slowly realizing is that the wealthy are the ones whose taxable incomes fund our kids’ public education, our parents’ senior benefits and our states’ ability to keep our communities safe.

So whether you love the rich, despise them, or a little bit of both, there is one thing that is certain: our culture can’t survive without them.

The private sale: a new kind of exclusivity.

Ask anyone and they’ll tell you that slashing prices – even in a down economy – is a great way to destroy your luxury brand.

But some fashion and beauty brands have found a way around this. By partnering with sites like RueLaLa.com and Gilt.com, brands like Badgley Mischka and Bottega Veneta can offer deep discounts through private online sales.

The sample sales only last a limited time, but offer this season’s merchandise, not old inventory that brands are trying to unload in a flash.

Think you’ll go check it out? Not so fast. These sites are invite-only. Or you can put your name on a waiting list. A friend of mine was good enough to allow me a sneak peek on RueLaLa, and just today I saw $350 Sue Wong dresses selling for less than $100 (5 had already sold out within the first 3 hours).

For the affluent shopper, the thrill comes not only from the bargain – which you can get simply from walking into Saks Fifth Avenue these days – but from being a part of an exclusive club.

The fashion industry is ahead of the game in this case. It will be interesting to see if this method takes off in other categories. Does the fine chocolate connoisseur or exotic car collector feel the need for exclusivity as much as the fashion brand-a-holic?

Not sure, but if you’re a luxury brand struggling through this economy, it certainly couldn’t hurt to find out.

Don't roll your eyes. There actually is a company spending on advertising.

Yeah, yeah. You've read it in the business news a thousand times. Just because the economy is eroding, that doesn't mean marketers should cut their advertising budgets. In fact, you should keep spending on advertising, right on through the recession. And you've thought to yourself, "c'mon, who's really doing that?"

Nick Valenti is.

Chief Executive of the Patina Restaurant Group (PRG), Valenti decided to spend $150,000 on a new branding campaign, which will launch next week. Will it work? Only time (and the quality of the campaign) will tell.

Regardless of the outcome, I have to give PRG tons of kudos. At least they have the sense to be proactive while everyone else is sitting around crying in their coffee. Well done, Mr. Valenti.

Only the spa survives.

When I told my husband I was taking a pay cut, we sat down and figured out what we could slash from the budget. I listed my current monthly spending categories: groceries, maternity clothes, dry cleaning, pre-natal yoga, acupuncture… His eyebrows rose higher and higher as I mentioned each of the last three.

“Uh-uh, no way,” I said. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I would cut either of the last two from my budget. I decided to wash my sweaters instead of taking them to the dry cleaner and eat a few less rib-eyes every month. Peace of mind and inner balance were far too important to remove from my weekly routine.

Seems I’m not the only one who thinks so.

My more affluent counterparts may be buying less bling and canceling their African safaris, but they are still indulging in spa treatments and other health and wellness luxuries, perhaps as a means of escape from what’s happening on the news – or on their block.

According to Melissa Ellis at Spafinder.com, people are giving up pure luxuries like caviar facials, but spending money on anti-stress treatments like therapeutic massage.

But at 1-On-1 Self-Indulgence Spa in Concord Mass., chocolate body wraps are still all the rage.

And Sharilyn Abbajay, COO for The Neill Corporation (which owns Aveda salons and spas) says that while customers are waiting a little longer between appointments, spending is up per visit.

Spas aren’t the only categories that are coasting through these rough economic waters. Gyms, personal care products and “escapist entertainment” like Wii Fit, Guitar Hero and Smart Phones are still worthy of their full price tags (or pretty close).

The affluent aren’t closing their purses completely. They’re just investing in one of the few things they can consider a safe bet – themselves.